Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Josh got us both memberships to the Wellness Center (fancy name for the only gym in town with a pool). (Of course, I've been talking about getting a membership somewhere for almost a year now, and just never did. He kept telling me that it wasn't worth the money. Then, two days ago, he calls me up and says, "hey honey, I just got us memberships.") I'm pretty excited about it. I love working out, but with my joints being so angry with me right now, I just can't do as much as I would like to. Now, I have the option to swim, and I'm pretty pumped. It's definitely way easier on my joints. There's just one problem, I can't swim. I mean, I know the concept, and I wouldn't drown if you threw me in a pool, but I never officially learned how to swim. I'm a little ashamed. Moral of this story is, for the next few weeks, I'm planning on swimming two days each week after work, and I will hopefully get better. Until then, I'm just going to look like a tool taking up space in the lanes that are theoretically only supposed to be used by people who actually know how to swim. More on this later...

Delight...

In commemoration of the start of a new chapter, I'd like to revisit some things that I learned 2.5 years ago.

David says that we are to DELIGHT ourselves in the Lord, yeah? On a total side note for a moment, every translation that I have ever read has translated that word as delight, now...that strikes me as something worth looking at. Well, so...I love words, and I was really kinda wanting to understand the full definition of delight, so I went to my dictionary... now, the definition of delight is something like, find pleasure in, to please, something fluffy. So I said to myself, "hmmm...well, I feel like God wants us to find more than a happy squishy feeling when we think of HIM." Now maybe I'm wrong there, but that's my thought. So...I checked out some synonyms of delight. There were some kinda boring ones that didn't really do much for me, pleasure, joy, blegh whatever, yeah? Ok, so then I saw enthral. Now, as I said, I love words, and the more specific a word is and the more able it is to paint and sculpt and entice emotion the more I absolutely love it. Well, for me, enthral has always kinda been one of those words. I mean, for me it envokes this awesome sense of being completely consumed by something, to the point of not being able to see anything that was outside of the agent of the enthralling, the person or thing that held one enthralled. Ok, so...I already had this image in my head of a person being completely captivated beyond the point of release by anything that they were enthralled with, but I wanted to find the actual definition of enthral. Now here's where it gets really cool to me...the actual meaning of enthral is "To reduce to bondage or servitude; to make a thrall, slave, vassal, or captive of; to enslave." At first glance, I feel like this has a really negative connotation, but it really doesn't! I mean, when you think of enslavement, the first thing that comes to my mind is a sort of beating into submission, but that's not what this is saying at all! This is just saying that you are completely held captive to be made into a slave, but it doesn't say that you were forced there, you just are. You choose to be made a captive. How awesome that we are given the opportunity to be enslaved by the sheer awesomeness of God. We are told to delight ourselves in the Lord. Delight is such an amazing concept of sheer and utter giddiness. Now, imagine if you were completely captivated by that giddiness. You were so filled with joy over God that you were made into a slave by sheer adoration and excitement. Now that is awesome. I think that I would be ok with being delighted, being captivated, being enslaved by God and His awesome wonder...I would be more than ok. I would be complete.

The Restless Wanderer

I'm hitting the road this weekend in my new set of wheels. I'm boarding the puppies (boy is working all weekend), and I'm driving. No responsibility, no stress, just going.
I need this.
This whole "adulthood" thing, I don't think I'm ready for it. I still need to have weekends where I can be totally free, nobody depending on me, or expecting me to do anything.
I love my life right now in so many ways. I'm so blessed beyond anything that I could have imagined. I've come so far in the last year.
But sometimes... I miss that feeling of being a wanderer, of going wherever I want, just because...
This weekend, I'll get my fill, and it will either leave me feeling full, or empty...

Confessions...

Sometimes I don't focus well on the task at hand.
Sometimes I get distracted.
Sometimes I don't listen if the conversation doesn't interest me.
Sometimes I leave myself out of the loop.
Sometimes I eat snacks out of boredom.
Sometimes I look for any and every excuse for a change.
Sometimes I dream of living a nomadic exsistence.
Sometimes I dance around my house while I'm cleaning and pretend like I have some stellar moves.
Sometimes I wonder if I should have made a different decision.
Sometimes I settle.
Sometimes I cheat myself out of greatness.
Sometimes I'm so sad that it takes everything in me to not implode from the weight of it.
Sometimes it hurts for me to sit still, so I get up and run in a circle.
Sometimes all I want is to be able to tumble like I used to.
Sometimes I'm so excited about life and the future that I can't focus on the present.
Sometimes I sing along to the music in my car and imagine my amazing voice being discovered by the invisible talent scout sitting in my car covering his ears.
Sometimes I just need to write, even if it's all jibberish and nothings.

The Search is on...

I have a schedule.

I wake up at 5:30 to dance like no one's watching (cause they aren't). I take Guinness and Murphey out. I get ready for work. I go to work. I go home. I make his dinner. I see him off to work. I play with the puppies. I do dishes. I do laundry. I go to bed. I repeat.

I like my schedule.

I'm good at it.

I'm ready to add to it.

I'm ready to hit the ground running.

Isn't it Lovely...

Sometimes I wonder... What would it be like to live completely untouched by society and the expectations that come along with that? How would it change my perseption of situations? Would the same things offend me? Do I react the way I do because society has told me that I should? Where do I find myself in the midst of the expectations?

It's Coming...

This weekend, the weather was gorgeous. Time was spent enjoying being outside with the puppies. Windows were opened. Shorts were worn.
Now I have the itch. That longing that I always get when the weather warms up. I want adventure. I crave hot weather. I need reasons to go driving with the sunroof open.
I can't wait for my next road trip. I don't know when, and I don't know where, but soon...